Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
