not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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