so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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