But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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