speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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