idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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