A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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