I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had sex on a roof
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
