My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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