And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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