I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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