Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
