Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
