So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
