just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
