So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
