My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
