I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
