we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
