we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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