Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so let's talk penis.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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