could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
