I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
