I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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