Im at strip club and am horny
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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