he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
