i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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