Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
