don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
