For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
