Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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