I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
