I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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