Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
