I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
