It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
