I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
