remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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