you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
