I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
