you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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