i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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