i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
