walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
