it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
