he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
