I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
