yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
not ubering you a puppy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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