woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
