He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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