The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
