There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
