Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
