I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
