We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
