a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
