my room smells like sperm. sweet.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
